For 4 years now I've been waiting for the day when Addison would be finished with daycare and my pocketbook could feel some relief. At times it seemed like it would never happen. And yet here we are. Tomorrow at this time, my daughter will be a kindergartner.
WOW. Just saying it brings tears to my eyes.
When Addison was born we decided that she would attend the daycare that my Aunt was the director of. It made sense because we knew she'd be well taken care of being the bosses niece. But it was 30 minutes out of my way. She started in September and by December I was burnt out from making that trip every day (she went three days a week) that she went.
So we pulled her out and sent her to my friend Michelle's house. Michelle was already at home with her son Jacob and she is wonderful with kids so it was an easy switch. Addison thrived with Michelle and Jacob. We enjoyed our time there.
When Michelle was 30 weeks pregnant with her second she was hospitalized for preterm labor. Addison neededd a new place to go. She was 15 months old and I was scared. Aside from those three months as an infant, she'd always been in someone's home. The three days with Michelle and two days with my parents.
We found our current center and Addison started at 15 months old and we've been so happy ever since. If only it could have cost a bit less, but I guess you get what you pay for. She started in toddler 4 at 15 months, so small that she couldn't see over the little table they had for the kids to eat at. They had to put her in a high chair next to the table.
She blossomed at daycare. No joke. Her vocabulary exploded and she made friends. She's been with the same kids since she started there.
And the teachers....I can't say enough about all of the teachers Addison has had. Not one have we felt even a little off about. Miss Colleen, Miss Sarah, Miss Amanda, Miss Michelle, Miss Mamie, Miss Ebony, Miss Lara, Miss Maureen, Miss Nicole, Miss Jeanne, Miss Sunita and Miss Rosalie. Each one just amazing.
I'm really sad about this transition. This place has been our home base for 4 years. It's home, it's comfort and its a special place.
I received my bill for next month today. It's half of what it was because now it only has Judah on it. I've been waiting for four years for this moment and yet it is so bittersweet.
THANK YOU TO TCATP. We love you and thank you for 4 great years.
sniff, sniff
Thursday, June 24, 2010
Monday, June 7, 2010
JUNE
What a month June is for me. It’s filled with memories of the ultimate highs in my life yet I enter each June now with trepidation.
A rundown of June’s Past:
June 8, 2005: After a very quick but somewhat traumatic delivery, Addison Chloe is born. What should be the most exciting time of my life quickly becomes the darkest period. I struggle for the next bunch of months to learn to care for my sweet baby doll. It’s a struggle that seemed never-ending until the past year or two when I finally began to let go of some of the guilt that came with it.
June 19, 2007: After a lightening fast induction that was completely pain med free, Judah Aaron is born. What IS the happiest day of my life almost becomes the last day of my life. Major complications and near death moments later I am recovering in the special high risk floor.
Despite the horrible medical experience, I am madly and deeply in love with my sweet baby boy and some of the pain of the experience with Addison goes away. My loved ones are very traumatized though, especially my husband and my mother. I don’t think my mother will ever forgive me for not having her called when I was being wheeled down for an emergency hysterectomy (which thankfully, due to awesome dr’s became an emergency D&C). She was called after I was out of recovery and into my room.
June 19, 2008: On Judah’s first birthday he is so sick that we have to bring him to the ER. He was so dehydrated that he weighed only 14lbs, 13 ounces. He was admitted to the hospital and spent three days there receiving a corrective course of IV fluids. We had to cancel his 1st Birthday party that I had been planning for so long. He was such a trooper but I was devastated. Addison got quite sick too but managed to avoid hospitalization.
June 19, 2009: I am hesitant to even acknowledge Judah’s birthday after the past two years but decide to invite my parents over for a BBQ to celebrate what I hope will be an uneventful June 19. All is well until about 5:30 when Addison’s head hits the table where she had just been coloring. I ask her what’s wrong but she just lays there. I feel her head and she has a 104.5 temperature. WHAT? All had been fine just before. And now just like that, on June 19 we are back into someone being very sick. That “viral fever” was a doozy that completely knocked her out and of course got to Judah three days later.
So here we are in June 2010 and I have a knot in my stomach. What is going to happen this year? We already have so many health issues going on the family between my Aunt and my Father and I am just holding my breath as June 19 approaches.
When deciding what to do for poor Judah’s birthday this year I felt sick. What to do? The boy deserves a birthday. So I decided to plan a small BBQ and informed those who would be invited that: “There may or may not be a BBQ on June 19 and if there is one, there won’t be any invitation until about 2pm that day.”
PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE let this June go by without any catastrophic illness. PLEASE??????
A rundown of June’s Past:
June 8, 2005: After a very quick but somewhat traumatic delivery, Addison Chloe is born. What should be the most exciting time of my life quickly becomes the darkest period. I struggle for the next bunch of months to learn to care for my sweet baby doll. It’s a struggle that seemed never-ending until the past year or two when I finally began to let go of some of the guilt that came with it.
June 19, 2007: After a lightening fast induction that was completely pain med free, Judah Aaron is born. What IS the happiest day of my life almost becomes the last day of my life. Major complications and near death moments later I am recovering in the special high risk floor.
Despite the horrible medical experience, I am madly and deeply in love with my sweet baby boy and some of the pain of the experience with Addison goes away. My loved ones are very traumatized though, especially my husband and my mother. I don’t think my mother will ever forgive me for not having her called when I was being wheeled down for an emergency hysterectomy (which thankfully, due to awesome dr’s became an emergency D&C). She was called after I was out of recovery and into my room.
June 19, 2008: On Judah’s first birthday he is so sick that we have to bring him to the ER. He was so dehydrated that he weighed only 14lbs, 13 ounces. He was admitted to the hospital and spent three days there receiving a corrective course of IV fluids. We had to cancel his 1st Birthday party that I had been planning for so long. He was such a trooper but I was devastated. Addison got quite sick too but managed to avoid hospitalization.
June 19, 2009: I am hesitant to even acknowledge Judah’s birthday after the past two years but decide to invite my parents over for a BBQ to celebrate what I hope will be an uneventful June 19. All is well until about 5:30 when Addison’s head hits the table where she had just been coloring. I ask her what’s wrong but she just lays there. I feel her head and she has a 104.5 temperature. WHAT? All had been fine just before. And now just like that, on June 19 we are back into someone being very sick. That “viral fever” was a doozy that completely knocked her out and of course got to Judah three days later.
So here we are in June 2010 and I have a knot in my stomach. What is going to happen this year? We already have so many health issues going on the family between my Aunt and my Father and I am just holding my breath as June 19 approaches.
When deciding what to do for poor Judah’s birthday this year I felt sick. What to do? The boy deserves a birthday. So I decided to plan a small BBQ and informed those who would be invited that: “There may or may not be a BBQ on June 19 and if there is one, there won’t be any invitation until about 2pm that day.”
PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE let this June go by without any catastrophic illness. PLEASE??????
Sunday, May 30, 2010
All gave some, some gave all
Memorial day has always been important to me and not just because it's a great excuse for a BBQ. I've always been reminded by my parents about what the day means and why we get a day off of school/work.
But the day never meant as much to me as it did after August 12, 2004. That was the day I went into work and saw an email from my best friend Elina. It said that she had gotten to talk to her brother, Michael, who was stationed in Iraq on IM! She hadn't been able to do that in a while. She had forwarded the transcript to me and I sat and read it all morning.
Michael had been nice enough to house Elina and I for 10 days when he was stationed in Hawaii. We spent Passover with him and he took us all around. He took me on dangerous hikes and didn't laugh when I cried at a stick that I thought was a snake. He turned the car around immediately when he heard I had never seen Star Wars and went right to the video rental place.
Fast forward to 12 hours later on that same day, August 12, 2004. My cell phone rings and it's Elina. I pick up and she says "he didn't make it". WHAT? I had absolutely no idea at all what she was talking about. She said it again and it slowly sunk in. Michael had been killed earlier that day in a gunfight with insergents in Najaf. Her Sister in Law had just called her.
How could it be? Michael was invincible. He was a captain, an Army Ranger and a Green Beret. he was as elite as you could be.
The next few weeks were a whirlwind. He was buried in Arlington National Cemetary on August 24, 2004. The service was beautiful. His wife had asked that some friends bring sand from the beach in Hawaii and it was spread in his grave. His gorgeous 11 month old son was there charming everyone with the smile that reminded us of his father.
Michael is just one example of a soldier who gave all for his country. We are forever indebted to them for being willing to do so.
I always am amazed when I think back to August 12, that Michael and Elina managed to meet up on IM for the first time in a while that day. It seems like too much of a coincidence, doesn't it?
But the day never meant as much to me as it did after August 12, 2004. That was the day I went into work and saw an email from my best friend Elina. It said that she had gotten to talk to her brother, Michael, who was stationed in Iraq on IM! She hadn't been able to do that in a while. She had forwarded the transcript to me and I sat and read it all morning.
Michael had been nice enough to house Elina and I for 10 days when he was stationed in Hawaii. We spent Passover with him and he took us all around. He took me on dangerous hikes and didn't laugh when I cried at a stick that I thought was a snake. He turned the car around immediately when he heard I had never seen Star Wars and went right to the video rental place.
Fast forward to 12 hours later on that same day, August 12, 2004. My cell phone rings and it's Elina. I pick up and she says "he didn't make it". WHAT? I had absolutely no idea at all what she was talking about. She said it again and it slowly sunk in. Michael had been killed earlier that day in a gunfight with insergents in Najaf. Her Sister in Law had just called her.
How could it be? Michael was invincible. He was a captain, an Army Ranger and a Green Beret. he was as elite as you could be.
The next few weeks were a whirlwind. He was buried in Arlington National Cemetary on August 24, 2004. The service was beautiful. His wife had asked that some friends bring sand from the beach in Hawaii and it was spread in his grave. His gorgeous 11 month old son was there charming everyone with the smile that reminded us of his father.
Michael is just one example of a soldier who gave all for his country. We are forever indebted to them for being willing to do so.
I always am amazed when I think back to August 12, that Michael and Elina managed to meet up on IM for the first time in a while that day. It seems like too much of a coincidence, doesn't it?
Tuesday, May 25, 2010
Total Embarassment
I mentioned yesterday that we were at an awards dinner for my friend on Sunday night. It was a formal dinner with a lot of "leaders" in the Stamford, CT Jewish community.
We arrived 45 minutes late thanks to the rear ending but thankfully it was still during the cocktail hour. I go over to grab some sushi and my Rabbi from college was there. So we were chatting and he points to a man and tells me that it is Senator Joe Lieberman. I gushed "OMG, I loved him until he became a traitor and defected the party." The Rabbi laughs and tells me that I should probably leave off the end part when I meet him.
So I take my plate over and introduce myself. The Senator was so nice, asking me questions about myself, what do I do, etc. He puts out his hand to shake mine and as I shake his hand I feel somthing squishy. Ewwww. Then I notice him rubbing his fingers together with a disturbed look on his face. We talk for a few more minutes and as I walk away I look down at my hand and realize that I had somehow gotten hummus on it.
Yep, I shmeered Senator Joe Lieberman with Hummus. Fabulous.
We arrived 45 minutes late thanks to the rear ending but thankfully it was still during the cocktail hour. I go over to grab some sushi and my Rabbi from college was there. So we were chatting and he points to a man and tells me that it is Senator Joe Lieberman. I gushed "OMG, I loved him until he became a traitor and defected the party." The Rabbi laughs and tells me that I should probably leave off the end part when I meet him.
So I take my plate over and introduce myself. The Senator was so nice, asking me questions about myself, what do I do, etc. He puts out his hand to shake mine and as I shake his hand I feel somthing squishy. Ewwww. Then I notice him rubbing his fingers together with a disturbed look on his face. We talk for a few more minutes and as I walk away I look down at my hand and realize that I had somehow gotten hummus on it.
Yep, I shmeered Senator Joe Lieberman with Hummus. Fabulous.
Monday, May 24, 2010
Frances
Last night I was at an awards dinner for an old friend. She was receiving a young leadership award for her volunteer work in the community.
I was thinking back to the summer that I had an internship with a wonderful organization called Dorot. Dorot literally means generations in hebrew and the agency assisted and provided services for the homebound elderly on the upper west side. My job was to provide a shopping service for those who couldn't leave their homes. I would go to their apartments, get a list and money and go shopping for them.
One woman that I helped was named Frances. Frances was unlike my other clients because she wanted to go out shopping but was too scared to go out alone and I was asked to accompany her. So at least twice a week Frances and I would head out. Usually we did food shopping one day a week and the other day was other things she needed, shoes, prescriptions, etc.
I loved Frances, just adored her. She was 88 and very fiesty. And so sweet too. EVERY day that we would go out she would insist on giving me a plate of ice cream when we got home. EVERY SINGLE TIME. I remember the plate too, a glass plate with a scoop of vanilla ice cream. I hate vanilla ice cream. I tried to come up with so many different excuses as to why I couldn't eat the ice cream but Frances always insisted.
I was so young. Too young. Too young to realize that it was about so much more than the ice cream for Frances. To her it was about providing me with something in return for my company. My services were free and Frances wanted to be able to "pay" me in some way. And much more importantly it was about "having me" for a bit longer. She was lonely and wanted to have company a bit longer.
Why didn't I see that? I was so oblivious.
At the end of my summer it was time to return to my junior year of college. As the end approached Frances kept telling me that she would lose her nerve without me and wouldn't be able to go out. I told her she'd do fine.
Again so young. SO young. Why didn't I realize that this was her way of asking me to come back and take her out even when my official capacity with the agency was over? Had I realized I would have made every attempt to take the train in and take her out as frequently as possible. How could I have missed that?
Frances has to be long gone now. It pains me to know that I can call her now and apologize for the 19 year old me who was too young and too self absorbed to realize all that she taught me that summer. She showed me the human spirit. She showed me how so little could affect someone so much.
Thank you Frances.
I was thinking back to the summer that I had an internship with a wonderful organization called Dorot. Dorot literally means generations in hebrew and the agency assisted and provided services for the homebound elderly on the upper west side. My job was to provide a shopping service for those who couldn't leave their homes. I would go to their apartments, get a list and money and go shopping for them.
One woman that I helped was named Frances. Frances was unlike my other clients because she wanted to go out shopping but was too scared to go out alone and I was asked to accompany her. So at least twice a week Frances and I would head out. Usually we did food shopping one day a week and the other day was other things she needed, shoes, prescriptions, etc.
I loved Frances, just adored her. She was 88 and very fiesty. And so sweet too. EVERY day that we would go out she would insist on giving me a plate of ice cream when we got home. EVERY SINGLE TIME. I remember the plate too, a glass plate with a scoop of vanilla ice cream. I hate vanilla ice cream. I tried to come up with so many different excuses as to why I couldn't eat the ice cream but Frances always insisted.
I was so young. Too young. Too young to realize that it was about so much more than the ice cream for Frances. To her it was about providing me with something in return for my company. My services were free and Frances wanted to be able to "pay" me in some way. And much more importantly it was about "having me" for a bit longer. She was lonely and wanted to have company a bit longer.
Why didn't I see that? I was so oblivious.
At the end of my summer it was time to return to my junior year of college. As the end approached Frances kept telling me that she would lose her nerve without me and wouldn't be able to go out. I told her she'd do fine.
Again so young. SO young. Why didn't I realize that this was her way of asking me to come back and take her out even when my official capacity with the agency was over? Had I realized I would have made every attempt to take the train in and take her out as frequently as possible. How could I have missed that?
Frances has to be long gone now. It pains me to know that I can call her now and apologize for the 19 year old me who was too young and too self absorbed to realize all that she taught me that summer. She showed me the human spirit. She showed me how so little could affect someone so much.
Thank you Frances.
Friday, May 21, 2010
Youth....wasted on the young
"And the seasons they go round and round and the painted ponies go up and down. I'm captive on a carousel of time, you can't return, you can only look behind from where you came and go round and round and round in the circle game."
One of my favorite songs ever. And ringing so very true today.
My daughter always talks about being a grown up. "When I'm grown up I can chew gum" and so on. I keep telling her to enjoy being young.
But when you're young you don't see it. All you see are the grown ups around you getting to make the choices and the decisions. You see an older cousin get married and YOU want to get married. Someone has a baby and you want to be a mother. We're always looking to do more, to experience more and to grow.
I'm laying here tonight, my kids having a sleepover with their grandparents. I can't stop thinking of the story that was relayed to us when we called to check on them before.
My MIL made a comment that her house was like a beauty parlor. A told her to please not put makeup on Addison. She responded by telling him that Addison said to her "Coco, you can put lipstick on my tonight but don't do it tomorrow or they won't let me come back here."
I tear up thinking about this. I want to tell her that there will be time for makeup, time for grown up fun and responsibility. For now, just enjoy your grandparents and worry only about when your next ice cream will be.
I really am so blessed. And as the song says "And they tell him 'take your time, it won't be long now, til you drag your feet to slow the circle down'".
Do you think I can slow it down?
PS A cute Judah story. He fell and skinned his knees at school on Thurday. When we were driving home at the end of the day he says "Mommy the sun is coming home to my house. He's going to give me a band aid for my boo boo." <3
One of my favorite songs ever. And ringing so very true today.
My daughter always talks about being a grown up. "When I'm grown up I can chew gum" and so on. I keep telling her to enjoy being young.
But when you're young you don't see it. All you see are the grown ups around you getting to make the choices and the decisions. You see an older cousin get married and YOU want to get married. Someone has a baby and you want to be a mother. We're always looking to do more, to experience more and to grow.
I'm laying here tonight, my kids having a sleepover with their grandparents. I can't stop thinking of the story that was relayed to us when we called to check on them before.
My MIL made a comment that her house was like a beauty parlor. A told her to please not put makeup on Addison. She responded by telling him that Addison said to her "Coco, you can put lipstick on my tonight but don't do it tomorrow or they won't let me come back here."
I tear up thinking about this. I want to tell her that there will be time for makeup, time for grown up fun and responsibility. For now, just enjoy your grandparents and worry only about when your next ice cream will be.
I really am so blessed. And as the song says "And they tell him 'take your time, it won't be long now, til you drag your feet to slow the circle down'".
Do you think I can slow it down?
PS A cute Judah story. He fell and skinned his knees at school on Thurday. When we were driving home at the end of the day he says "Mommy the sun is coming home to my house. He's going to give me a band aid for my boo boo." <3
Monday, May 10, 2010
Before I became a mom.....
I was thinking over the past few days about what my life was like before I was a mom.
In so many ways it was simpler. I could come and go as I please. I could work as late as I wanted/needed to in order to get things done in my quest for advancement.
I could eat meals in peace, no interruptions. If I wasn't well I could stay in bed all day long.
But I really was missing out.
Now instead of coming and going as I please, I get to walk to the car holding the hands of two kids who look up at me with giant smiles (maybe it's because they have giant teeth :-p).
Instead of working late I run out the door at 5pm so that I can be greeted at school with "MOMMY!!!!!!!" as they run to give me a hug.
Instead of desiring advancement in the workplace I often find myself fantasizing about winning the lottery so I could stay home all week and plan and do fun things with them.
Instead of eating meals in peace, I get to introduce new foods to my kids and get the satisfaction in providing them with good, quality meals.
Now instead of staying in bed all day.......OK well I'd love to stay in bed all day. :-)
My life really is so much richer now that these two little beings are in it. I am so blessed to have them.
In so many ways it was simpler. I could come and go as I please. I could work as late as I wanted/needed to in order to get things done in my quest for advancement.
I could eat meals in peace, no interruptions. If I wasn't well I could stay in bed all day long.
But I really was missing out.
Now instead of coming and going as I please, I get to walk to the car holding the hands of two kids who look up at me with giant smiles (maybe it's because they have giant teeth :-p).
Instead of working late I run out the door at 5pm so that I can be greeted at school with "MOMMY!!!!!!!" as they run to give me a hug.
Instead of desiring advancement in the workplace I often find myself fantasizing about winning the lottery so I could stay home all week and plan and do fun things with them.
Instead of eating meals in peace, I get to introduce new foods to my kids and get the satisfaction in providing them with good, quality meals.
Now instead of staying in bed all day.......OK well I'd love to stay in bed all day. :-)
My life really is so much richer now that these two little beings are in it. I am so blessed to have them.
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