No More Baby.....

Wow, what a bittersweet weekend.

J gave up his paci this weekend...or rather we took his paci away from him. The dentist told us he was getting an overbite and it needed to go. So we took it. And he wailed, oh did he wail and scream for the comfort of his paci. And it broke my heart to listen to.

In the tumult of taking the paci away I forgot to put a diaper on him last night. He generally stays dry but has only been potty trained a month or two so I was worried. He woke up dry this morning.

So that's it. No more Paci, no more diaper at night. We are done with all of it. No more baby.

Isn't it wonderfully exciting? Shouldn't I be thrilled?

I'm not. My heart aches for the tiny little babies that lay in my arms and nursed from me. The sweet smiles with missing teeth. The arms that lifted up asking me to pick them up and snuggle.

I know there are wonderful things in my future. I know they are SUPPOSED to grow up. I know that soon we can do true and real art projects, cooking projects. I know that there will be gymnastics competitions and Tae Kwondo ceremonies. I know that there is a tremendous amount of love in my future from these two wonderful children.

But for tonight and probably the next little while I mourn. I mourn the sweetness that came from in me. I mourn for the two kids who no longer need me the way they used to.

It hurts to let them grow, doesn't it?