JUNE

What a month June is for me. It’s filled with memories of the ultimate highs in my life yet I enter each June now with trepidation.

A rundown of June’s Past:

June 8, 2005: After a very quick but somewhat traumatic delivery, Addison Chloe is born. What should be the most exciting time of my life quickly becomes the darkest period. I struggle for the next bunch of months to learn to care for my sweet baby doll. It’s a struggle that seemed never-ending until the past year or two when I finally began to let go of some of the guilt that came with it.

June 19, 2007: After a lightening fast induction that was completely pain med free, Judah Aaron is born. What IS the happiest day of my life almost becomes the last day of my life. Major complications and near death moments later I am recovering in the special high risk floor.

Despite the horrible medical experience, I am madly and deeply in love with my sweet baby boy and some of the pain of the experience with Addison goes away. My loved ones are very traumatized though, especially my husband and my mother. I don’t think my mother will ever forgive me for not having her called when I was being wheeled down for an emergency hysterectomy (which thankfully, due to awesome dr’s became an emergency D&C). She was called after I was out of recovery and into my room.

June 19, 2008: On Judah’s first birthday he is so sick that we have to bring him to the ER. He was so dehydrated that he weighed only 14lbs, 13 ounces. He was admitted to the hospital and spent three days there receiving a corrective course of IV fluids. We had to cancel his 1st Birthday party that I had been planning for so long. He was such a trooper but I was devastated. Addison got quite sick too but managed to avoid hospitalization.

June 19, 2009: I am hesitant to even acknowledge Judah’s birthday after the past two years but decide to invite my parents over for a BBQ to celebrate what I hope will be an uneventful June 19. All is well until about 5:30 when Addison’s head hits the table where she had just been coloring. I ask her what’s wrong but she just lays there. I feel her head and she has a 104.5 temperature. WHAT? All had been fine just before. And now just like that, on June 19 we are back into someone being very sick. That “viral fever” was a doozy that completely knocked her out and of course got to Judah three days later.

So here we are in June 2010 and I have a knot in my stomach. What is going to happen this year? We already have so many health issues going on the family between my Aunt and my Father and I am just holding my breath as June 19 approaches.

When deciding what to do for poor Judah’s birthday this year I felt sick. What to do? The boy deserves a birthday. So I decided to plan a small BBQ and informed those who would be invited that: “There may or may not be a BBQ on June 19 and if there is one, there won’t be any invitation until about 2pm that day.”

PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE let this June go by without any catastrophic illness. PLEASE??????